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If you truly want to help someone, you must be prepared to give fully and unconditionally. Giving means the action flows only from you to the other person, regardless of who they are, whether a man, woman, child, or even an animal. Helping is in the act itself, not in what returns from it. You offer your hand, your energy, and your time, expecting absolutely nothing in return, no thanks, no smiles, no gifts, not even a kind glance.
Even the simple words “thank you” carry enormous weight. They can feel like a billion-dollar payoff. A baby smiles at its mother, and that smile becomes the mother’s entire world. So you must ask yourself: Did I give for the sake of giving, or for the reward that might follow? True giving takes place when we expect nothing in return. Otherwise, we just engage in a transaction.
However, is it even possible to give in such a way, with no expectation of anything in return? Indeed, that is what true giving means. If you help while waiting for acknowledgment, appreciation, or any other reaction, then it is not altruism but egoism in disguise.
That is why so many people feel drained after helping others, why their heart feels hollow or even betrayed. It is because they were hoping for a response, some energy that returns to them. When nothing comes back, they feel like they gave into a void, a black hole. Therefore, before we intend to help, we should make sure we do so without needing anything in return. We will then harbor no disappointment or emotional hangover.
How can we train ourselves to hold such an attitude? We need to gain strength and a genuine desire for an outward-directed vector of giving where we do not let anything loop back to ourselves. Our inbuilt filter for any action we perform, i.e., the lens of “What will I get out of this?” needs to become completely inactive. Since such a pure vector of giving does not reside in our nature, then we simply do not have it within our own powers by default. We thus need to rigorously train this outward-directed mode of giving like a muscle that we wish to grow.
Moreover, we should understand that if we choose who we help based on who is more pleasant, more beautiful, kinder, or closer to us, then that is already a reward. If we feel uplifted helping someone because they are attractive or important, then we have received a payment. Genuine altruism does not discriminate. Whether the person is pleasant or unpleasant makes no difference. If it does make a difference, if it matters to us who it is, then we are feeding our ego.
Such giving is actually impossible. However, in the same token, it is true giving. In the wisdom of Kabbalah, that is the kind of giving we aim to reach, and each Kabbalah student who progresses in the method increasingly faces that inner calculation.
However, life itself will gradually evolve us to such a realization. It will show us in a merciless manner who we are. We will come to see the lowliness of our nature, how incapable we are of rising above ourselves, even when we desperately want to. At that juncture, we will reach a genuine request for help to exit this nature that enslaves us, like a cry that bursts out from within us.
That cry is for strength. It is a genuine request for strength, not for additional egoistic power, but for the understanding, wisdom, and ability to act outside of ourselves so that we could give genuinely to others and nature without an expectation for it to circle back and serve our own miserable egoism.
Therefore, when Kabbalists speak in seemingly simple terms, saying phrases like “we need to learn how to do good,” or even just “think kindly of others,” they are actually pointing to this pure and genuine form of giving that we need to acquire in its fullest depth. Its realization is a process that unfolds gradually, in a step-by-step manner, and we will all reach its realization. Humanity is evolving to that very point. With the wisdom of Kabbalah, we gain the ability to reach it sooner rather than later, and to do so enjoyably with growing awareness, instead of being prodded through several blows that emerge from our incomplete egoistic approach.
Based on KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” with Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman on April 27, 2025. Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.
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