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Today, in the U.S., one in five Americans hides a bank account or credit card from their spouse. It raises the question as to whether this growing trend toward independence in relationships is positive or negative.
Independence, when rooted correctly, is indeed positive, but not in the way people usually think. True independence in a relationship must not be financial or superficial. It must rather be based on love. When we feel that our partner loves us, we feel secure. We know we have a helper who genuinely cares for us. We then discover real independence in this confidence.
Independence can manifest both negatively and positively. Here, I am discussing positive independence: the inner freedom that comes from feeling loved. When we sense that our partner loves us, and alongside them, our children and perhaps a few others who care, then we experience genuine confidence, which naturally creates a sense of independence.
At the same time, we recognize a different kind of dependence: We must show these people the same qualities they show us, giving them a sense of confidence and independence just as they do for us.
This raises the question as to what should we and should we not be dependent on with each other? The answer is that we must build relationships where we do not feel coerced, pressured, or obligated. We need to do everything for each other naturally and willingly, out of love. When we truly love one another, we are ready to fulfill the other’s desires without feeling any burden.
We should thus understand what love is. It is not merely a chemical reaction in the body or some fleeting emotion. Love is when we treat others better than ourselves. It is when we accept the desires of another person and place them above our own.
Such love does not exist in our egoistic, self-loving nature. We thus need to learn about this quality by connecting ourselves to an environment that applies the method of transforming our egoistic nature into its altruistic opposite. By engaging in continuous education of this transformation, we can then accept this task seriously and activate this change in our lives.
That is the main topic of the wisdom of Kabbalah, the foundation upon which it exists, develops, and enables us to rise above ourselves and genuinely love others. Love must be cultivated, carefully and consciously, within us. Then, we can build true independence, connection, and reveal a life of harmony and peace.
Based on KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” on May 7, 2018. Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.
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