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Divorce is no simple matter. Nerves, time, money, health, not to mention the children. No one promises that the next relationship will be any better, so it is no wonder that more and more people are giving up on the idea of marriage altogether. Why head into failure again if you can avoid the whole mess from the outset? It turns out that the breakdown of the family unit in our time is not accidental at all, and its role is to move us toward a new era in relationships among human beings in general.
When examining matters in depth, it becomes clear that this is not a problem in the relationship between partners, but a general problem in human communication. We have developed to a state in which we want to be free from others, that no one will limit us, to the point where it is very difficult for us to maintain social relationships. The family relationship is the most intimate and has always been the foundation of society. If in our time it too is collapsing, then this is the main sign that we have reached a new stage in our evolution as a human species. Until now we developed the environment, tried to build a proper society, constructed various systems, developed science and technology, but today we have reached a point where all these external things do not help us feel happiness, and we must approach the heart of the matter: the correction of the human being.
Nature developed the still, vegetative, animate, and human, and then developed in us humans specifically a large ego, in order to now bring us to the next stage of the process. At this stage, we must learn how to rise above our ego, to build above it a new quality through which we develop a new attitude, vision, outlook, and world. Nature aspires to bring all its parts into perfect balance. For us as humans, this means that at the peak of our evolution we will need to be connected to each other harmoniously, like organs in a single body.
Developing the ability to relate to others in a new way, above the ego, requires a research laboratory. It waits for us constantly at home in our closest relationship. The romantic relationship can be a wonderful place for carrying out all kinds of experiments, to slightly change ourselves and see what new world opens up to us as a result. Just like an experiment in physics or chemistry, we change various parameters and observe phenomena. Then, we change the parameters again, and again we check the resulting phenomena. The variables we change in the relationship lab are within our relationship with one another. If we train within the relationship on developing various new forms of attitudes toward the other, it will help us succeed in every area of life. We will know how to work with people to receive a desired response from them. Relationships always stand at the heart of things, and everything else is just a result.
The optimal approach to building good relationships is founded on the principle: “Love covers all transgressions” (Proverbs 10:12). This does not mean that we try to hide all the “transgressions,” i.e., the bad things between us like a lack of care, pride, disrespect, and even hatred, but rather that if we want to start building something new and corrected, there is no point in digging into existing flaws. There is no need to study deeply how egoistic and bad we each are, unwilling to see our own flaws but always able to list in detail what is wrong with the other.
Therefore we are given the rule, “Love covers all transgressions.” That is, despite everything that seems flawed in our partner, we must build a positive attitude toward them, beauty, love, concession, and care. Through such exercises of developing a more advanced attitude, precisely over the problems that arise, we begin to discover within ourselves good qualities that were dormant, increasingly highlighting them. Everything that appears as bad in the other is only an opportunity for us to rise to a state of love.
After learning to neutralize the egoistic view and to develop love, we begin to see all the beauty in our partners. We realize that until now we did not see them objectively, without ego dependence. Suddenly now, when we seemingly exit ourselves, outside of ourselves, outside our skin, our body, rising above our ego, we begin to see them differently. Also, it is not only them, but reality in general appears to us anew. We discover that it is not bad at all. There are no transgressions, no flaws, if we cover everything with love. A new and good world opens up before us, and we begin to grasp that all the evil is within us and all the good is actually outside us. Reality becomes clarified to us as divided into two parts. One part is what we have seen until today, a world that our ego made us picture, about which it is said, “The inclination of man’s heart is evil from his youth” (Genesis 8:21). The second part is what now begins to reveal itself before us as we develop love. The latter is found outside of us, and it is a world that is entirely good.
Thus, we have acquired in our home laboratory the method for an optimal attitude toward everything outside us, a new worldview. After we have done this with our partners, we see that toward the rest of humanity there is not much more to add, because our work was in fact not with our partners, but with ourselves. With the help of the mirror of partnership that nature arranged for us, we saw what needs to be corrected within us and worked on it. As a result, we became ready to absorb the connected world that is supposed to be revealed in our time to humanity. Then, we understand that the romantic relationship is a natural framework to prepare ourselves for a new and upgraded social life.
The former form of the family unit had to collapse in order to advance us to a more evolved form, which will bring us to the peak of human evolution. At this level, all people will be like one family. If until today we dealt with developing technologies and devices, as we head into the future, we can advance only through developing new people.
Based on episode 31 of “New Life” with Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman. Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.
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