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The development of the human, the family, and the world over generations leads to the recognition that we must change. We ourselves. Change the nature of our relationships, the most basic definitions. There is no point in waiting for tomorrow to be better without deep change within each and every person. If we do, then on the horizon awaits crises and great suffering.
Why? It is because the narrow human ego is constantly intensifying, and it is destroying relationships on all levels. At the same time, the world is becoming more and more interconnected. Everyone influences everyone, depends on everyone, and this continues to grow.
We thus have here two opposing developmental trends. Man is becoming more closed within his own interests, and the world is becoming more connected. We are stuck together, whether we want to be or not, which forces us to advance to the next evolutionary stage. At this stage, humans will develop the ability to relate to fellow humans as to themselves. In the end, there will be no other solution, and the only question is how quickly we will grasp that the world of tomorrow can be one of connection. The integral approach to education describes this, and it also offers a practical method of development.
With the broad perspective presented, now we will focus on the couple’s relationship. This relationship can serve as a kind of home laboratory in which a person investigates and experiments with the discussed change. Moreover, if this is done in a group learning setting with other couples and under the guidance of experts, then such conditions are much more optimal.
A key principle that this learning is based on is “Love covers all transgressions” (Proverbs 10:12). This principle means that even though it seems to us that we were treated unfairly, we strive to treat others with love. By doing so, we give a positive example that influences the environment, and together we move toward a change in perception.
Here is a description of a situation presented from the woman’s side, which will somewhat illustrate the idea. One could of course describe a different situation from the man’s side, but the principle is the same. Women often feel that their partner does not appreciate them. What can be done with this feeling?
It is advisable to try to rise above this feeling. This is inner work in which we strive to develop a sense as if we received complete love from our partner. In addition, share your thoughts and feelings with your partner, and say something like:
“I feel that I lack attention from you. I miss the way you used to court me, your interest in me. I miss the time when we were a new couple, enjoying our connection and spending a lot of time together. Now each of us is closed off in their own corner. True, I have many demands of you, but what’s most important to me is that we start treating each other with love. That is, each of us comes with demands toward ourselves, and what seems to us as a flaw in the other, we begin to see as a flaw in our own attitude.”
Try a psychological exercise where you try to see him as perfect and yourself not, and above all the flaws, you make an effort to treat him as if he were the most perfect person. Accordingly, despite everything that actually happens, you still treat him with only love. Ask the same of him. If this experiment is carried out mutually, your relationship will gradually improve.
The principle here states that in a healthy relationship, each side should receive from the other an example of the effort they make to rise above their narrow perception. The more the partner shows us effort in this matter, the more we will appreciate and respect them. The example will give us strength to act this way too, and accordingly we become partners in the war against our egoistic nature.
This work is not easy at all, and therefore couples need support from other couples who are in the same process. Together, they should form a small group of around five couples. In the group, they should learn the principles of the integral approach to education, and they should put these principles into practice, share their experiences, and strengthen each other. Their connection continues between the meetings, throughout their daily lives. The goal is to build a mini-society, which will convey to each couple that upgrading their relationships is the most important and best experience that can happen to a person. Broadly speaking, from one small group, and another, and another, a new humanity will gradually be built.
What do we gain from all this? We gain the entrance into a higher reality.
Until today, we have seen the world through the ego’s filter, which operates according to the code of “what could be good for me, what could be bad.” Now, as we develop a desire to connect to others with love, to do good to the world as to ourselves, we begin to perceive phenomena we had not noticed before. Reality is absorbed in us cleanly, objectively, independent of us. This is an entirely new dimension of perception, which is beyond the limits of the body and senses, beyond time, space, and motion.
It turns out that all the crises we experience today in relationships, in the family, in society, in the economy, and in ecology are essentially an invitation to progress toward new relationships and a new level of perception, one that is integral, connected, and whole. I wish us all great success in this endeavor.
Based on episode 32 of “New Life” with Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman. Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.
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