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What does it mean to love? How do you build a mutual inner space with another person? What should you be mindful of when giving a gift so that it deepens connection and love?
By nature, we are all shut within our own personal egoistic circles. We protect these circles and do all we can to fill them. The egoistic tendency is to take more and more from others in order to feel fulfilled. In contrast, if we develop a desire to benefit others, and find fulfillment in doing so, that is called “love.”
When do we create a mutual space? It is when we make room within ourselves, i.e., within that very ego, in order to receive the other’s desires and thoughts. The size of this mutual space corresponds to the extent by which we each relinquish our private ego.
When it comes to partners, it is best that a mutual agreement, covenant, and union be established between them, one that reaches the level of mutual love. Love, simply put, means that we want to fulfill our partner’s desires, and they want to fulfill ours.
To achieve such love, each partner must pay attention to how they can uplift the other’s mood, i.e., how to make them happy and ensure they feel comfortable and good. They should try to bring them what they like, to prepare, arrange, and care for them. Also, they should gently, sensitively, and warmly show their partner that they hope to receive similar attention in return.
In general, a good mood opens a person up to connection with others, while a bad mood closes them off. That is why it is important to always uplift each other’s spirits.
Gifts, too, can increase love. To give a real gift to our partner, we must feel and know what they truly want to receive. Our personal interest should not factor in. If we expect something in return, even just in thought, it is no longer a gift, but a trade. A gift comes from the heart: “I love you, so I brought this. You owe me nothing. The pleasure is all mine.”
If a gift is given for no special reason, not as compensation or payment, but only as an expression of love. It will awaken love in the other side too.
Before giving a gift, it is beneficial to tell your partner: “I thought for a long time about what to give you. I saved money and invested a lot in searching for it, just to bring you something that would make you feel good.” Our action gains additional significance when we describe how much we thought about them, how we searched, and especially how much we wanted to feel and understand their desire and fulfill it.
A true couple is formed at the point where both unite in the desire to bring one another all that is good. As a result, they begin to feel the inner world of their partner, their heart and mind, desires and thoughts. Such a feeling leads to deep development, revealing a whole symphony. Gradually, they become more and more connected, integrated with one another, until they become as one.
Throughout this process, the unique connection point between them keeps slipping away and disappearing, and their work is to rebuild it each time on a more advanced level. As this happens, their entire perception of reality changes.
Instead of sensing the world through the egoistic nature, they begin to sense it through a mutual sensory vessel built by the connection of love. This is what the sources refer to as a “spiritual coupling.” It is an inner connection between man and woman in which Divinity can dwell.
This refers to the sensation of a higher force of pure love and giving, the source of life, the root from which the couple came and to which they now return. Through choice and awareness, through acquiring qualities like its own, this is also called “equivalence of form.”
In such a way, the couple’s relationship becomes a kind of home laboratory, where they develop a completely new ability to connect with others. Once they develop this ability to positively connect, they can wisely use it in all their relationships throughout society. It helps them build their lives along a balanced line of connection and completion, the very line by which nature itself develops as a single unified system. As a result of living by the general law of creation, the law of “Love your neighbor as yourself,” they merit to see success on a much higher level.
Based on episode 46 of “New Life” with Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman. Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.
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