Why can’t people understand me? How do I make them see what I need? And do I understand others? We live in bubbles, and we cannot break free. We perceive everything within us, in the bubble that is our reality, and judge everything by a single criterion: What will I get out of it?
Whatever happens around me or inside of me, the goal never changes: to feel good. This is how we work, and how every organism works. And if I feel good, I begin to ask how I can feel even better.
While this is the program that operates all living beings, and even non-living things such as minerals or plants, the “version” that operates humans is slightly different. In us, there is no limit to the intensity of the aspiration to feel good; it grows, and grows, and grows. At some point, the aspiration becomes so intense that it wants to enjoy at the expense of others, and then we refer to it as “ego.”
Culture, education, industry, commerce, entertainment, everything we have developed comes to serve the goal of deriving more and more pleasure. If I feel that hurting someone will give me pleasure, and I have no fear of negative consequences, I will hurt that someone for the simple reason that it pleases me. If, on the other hand, I enjoy pleasing others, I will do it. But I will do it not because it helps them, but because it makes me feel good.
When we want to derive pleasure from our relationship with someone, and that someone does not respond in a way that pleases us, we feel apart from that person, that that person does not understand us. This is indeed the case, since that person lives in his or her own bubble, while I live in mine, so real understanding is impossible.
Sometimes, we may feel that there are people who understand us, and whom we understand. However, it is only because we have a common goal or common interests, or we think alike. Yet, as soon as the common interest disappears, or if our views differ on some issue, the feeling of closeness flies out the window and separation and coldness settle in.
Nevertheless, we all crave to be understood. We all want someone to know what we feel, to sympathize with us and share our joys and sorrows. If we are ever granted such a feeling, we immediately open to that person, the need to always stand guard and protect my interests disappears, and it allows us to come out of our shell and sympathize with that other person, too.
If such a bond forms between two people, they will feel that they have transcended the selfish bubble where we live, that there is life beyond the ego. When this happens, it is the most precious gift that anyone can receive; it is a new life.
The goal of our existence is for all of humanity to come out of our bubbles and feel one another. We are locked inside these shells only to learn to appreciate freedom from them, and to increase our desire to break the walls of the ego.
When we achieve that state of boundlessness, where we do not know where I end and where the other begins, we will be living in a new reality, a new world without walls or guards or ego.
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