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Since the dawn of time, the family has been necessary for human survival. The man would go out to earn a living, the woman took care of the home and the children, cooked food, and washed clothes. Each one completed the needs of the other, and that is how life passed. When someone got sick or old, the others took care of them. But nowadays everything has changed. Everyone works, so there is no longer dependence for income. We buy food at the supermarket, and we do laundry with a washing machine. Partners are found whenever convenient, doctors and therapists are available in every clinic, and if something bad happens, there is insurance, long-term care, supplemental, and all kinds of other coverages, as well as hospitals, nursing homes, and cemeteries. Seemingly, we have everything organized. It is no wonder that more and more people find no meaning in family life or in burdensome relationships.
In nature, there are no coincidences. The family unit has reached a crisis in our time because we have exhausted its previous form, and now we must give birth to its next form. We have completed the instinctive development of the family, and ahead of us is an ascent to a new level. On the horizon awaits a family that, beyond our survival needs, will develop us as human beings. The future family will serve as a home lab for developing our ability to connect in a new way with others, a development that life in the 21st century demands of us.
From a broader perspective, every crisis points to a place that requires correction. Whether it is a romantic, familial, social, economic, or political crisis, if we examine it deeply, we will find that it stems from a negative connection between us. It is interesting to note that in different languages, the term “crisis” is indeed dual in meaning. In Chinese, it is made of two characters, with .one representing danger, and the other opportunity. In ancient Greek, “crisis” means a decision, a turning point. The word for crisis in biblical Hebrew is also the name for the birthing stool, the place where new life is born.
Life develops through connection between opposites. That is how it is in nature, in our bodies, and in relationships. Every time nature pushes us forward, each person develops their own uniqueness, desires, aspirations, and thus crises are seemingly thus created. However, at a more advanced stage, we discover these are not crises but invitations to progress toward more refined connections, i.e., more complex and rich bonds between opposing individuals, through which we can attain a higher level of life.
In the future family, a new human being must be born, one who is capable of connecting with people who are different from them, despite the overblown ego and above all differences. Once we learn the formula for connecting between opposites at home, we will be able to exit other types of crises plaguing human society today in a reality where everyone is connected to everyone and influences everyone, but does not know how to get along with anyone.
One exercise that we can implement to enrich connection between partners is to sit facing each other, and each one shares what they think, feel, want, and their concerns. While one speaks, the other tries to feel their words as if they were their own thoughts and desires. The goal is to include each other, to enter the other, and give them a chance to enter our own hearts. During the listening, we will not judge anything we hear from our partner. We will strive to feel them as they are, with agreement, understanding, and full acceptance of everything they say. If this happens mutually, sincerely, and truly from the heart, then we will feel connection and happiness.
The words we say are not what matter, but concession and mutual acceptance. If we each strive to let go of ourselves and accept what the other feels, we begin to rise above ourselves. Accordingly, we exit the narrow, egoistic perception into a new, vast, and unlimited world, as if floating in a hot air balloon.
Partners who learn to live in connection and completion will feel mutual satisfaction. This does not mean that they will be in constant peace and calm. It means that they will always strive to complete one another in order to uncover a flow of a connected life between them. Just like in our body, if we isolate any organ, it cannot exist on its own. Life emerges in connection between the organs. The more successful and close the connection is, when each organ serves the others, everyone benefits. The same goes for connected partners, their fulfillment comes from what flows between them, when each feels the other and lives within them, and an integral system exists between them.
Each one looks for how to realize the desires and thoughts of the other, constantly striving to feel them from the inside. This mutual feeling fills them with happiness. It makes them healthy. If we feel that the other is within us and ready to help in anything, it strongly affects us, even hormonally. It gives us security and support, letting us develop and fulfill our maximal potential.
Thanks to an upgraded form of connection between us, we will learn how to feel in the new family. We will start to understand that our myriad troubles in life stem from a lack of optimal connection. We have no other problem in life but a lack of connection, because by nature, we are all parts of one whole. Even if we do not see it, all the parts in nature are linked to one another in countless ways, and so connection is the key to complete fulfillment. Other creatures in nature act instinctively, while we are now invited to advance and discover life’s secret on our own. No matter how hard we try, we cannot fill ourselves for long. We can only be perfectly fulfilled through one another.
In connection with others, we begin to feel a new kind of “out-of-body” life, i.e., beyond the boundaries of our current mind and emotions. This grants us a sense of unlimited life. What we feel within ourselves is limited from the start, by the length of our lives and by our capacity to receive and to be fulfilled. When we begin to feel existence, life, and fulfillment outside of us, we rise above the sensation of limitation. If we were previously confined by our personal perception tools, i.e., our individual traits and abilities, now through connection with others, we acquire boundless strength.
The more we connect with others, the more we grow, until we acquire the complete and eternal system that exists outside of us. Accordingly, our sense of fulfillment also becomes limitless. Such an upgraded worldview is called spiritual perception. That is what awaits us as the peak of human evolution.
Based on episode 42 of “New Life” with Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman. Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.
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