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The problems we see today in relationships are quite similar to the problems we find in humanity as a whole, i.e., in economics, society, education, and culture. All problems begin and end with a negative form of human connection, and it feels like we move from one mistake to another. If we can crack the secret of connection above the ego between partners, we will see improvements in other areas as well.
The integral approach to education views the human being, society, and nature as one whole, and provides a method and direction for development. It explains that the ego places us into endless conflicts. We have evolved through the ego and myriad conflicts over the generations, but not at the levels we see today. Today’s era is marked by an overblown human ego, which makes it difficult for people to tolerate the presence of someone beside them who pressures them, and who needs to be considered.
Moreover, in the past, society’s opinion was clear and simple: a normal person gets married and starts a family. Everyone knew that being alone was very difficult. Today, almost everything can be ordered with the click of a button. From this arises a major question: Is there still really a need for relationship and family frameworks?
Taking a step back to broaden our view, we can see the world around us becoming more and more interconnected. Mutual dependence between everyone is increasing. In such a reality, we are in the same boat, and if someone makes the wrong move, then we all sink. It could be a move that sets off a nuclear war, or an ecological collapse, or many other kinds of crisis. Simultaneously, human egoistic nature continues intensifying, not letting us see past ourselves, and they make us play power games in every field of human activity.
Eventually, we will be forced to adapt ourselves to the integral reality that is taking shape. Whether we already see beyond the horizon or the picture is still unclear, the world of tomorrow can only be a connected one. Success in such a world will require the ability to feel others as ourselves in order to build genuine connection and reach mutual complementarity with everyone.
In such a state, the family unit will become a home laboratory for exploring optimal connection between us. The couple will serve as partners for developing the ability to connect above the ego, and when we develop such an ability, we will be able to use it in all areas of life.
From this broader perspective, the integral approach to education teaches us how to approach the new couple connection. The study takes place in a group setting, and the couples together explore human nature, the nature of the world, and the trend of integral development. This development process requires mutual support, and the group functions as a mini-society that builds new values for itself. Gradually, participants free themselves from the illusion that an ideal relationship consists only of happiness and love. Like any dish, we cannot create a rich flavor without adding a variety of spices to the food.
The formula for complete connection is defined by the principle, “Love will cover all transgressions” (Proverbs 10:12). There will always be new “transgressions,” which refers to frictions, misunderstandings, communication breakdowns, and other phenomena that cause ruptures in the relationship. The couple’s work is to rise above these “transgressions” together, through which they deepen their connection.
All development in nature is built from a combination of two extremes, two forces. A couple also represents a plus and minus, and the complementary connection between them teaches them how to optimally connect to people throughout human society.
A couple that accordingly enriches and enhances their connection becomes a basic integral unit capable of forming healthy connections in ever-widening circles. Step by step, they will continue to build complementary connections among all human beings, and through them we will feel the flow of a new life: pleasures, fulfillments, and excitements of a different kind, which we also call “upper worlds”—a more advanced perception of reality that nature’s evolutionary forces are pushing us toward.
Therefore, from the correction of relationships in the couple and the private family unit, we will eventually reach the feeling that we—all of humanity—are one family, completely connected.
Based on episode 39 of “New Life” with Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman. Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.
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