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What is the meaning of a couple’s relationship in our lives? Why has it grown weaker? How can we deal with any mistrust that might arise?
From nature’s side, we are built in such a way that we have a need for partners. The couple’s relationship exists in nature as a foundation of human connection. Unlike animals who meet, mate, separate after a while, and their offspring later disperse, we humans live in family units.
The family bond continues from generation to generation, both throughout life and even after a person’s departure from this world. We keep our loved ones in our memory, and we can sometimes hold on to a long family tree. Also, we can take pride in our families when they are good, and we can rely on those close to us.
The point is that we need an internal connection, a sense of warmth, bonding, and belonging, that we hold something in common with others. Family is a symbol of deep connection, which is also why we say “we’re like family” when we wish to express our closeness with someone.
Partners, especially when they have children, are tied by a blood bond, which is very important. However, in the same token, we bear witness to the largest divorce rate ever in our times.
Why is that happening?
Some attribute this to the fact that life is becoming longer. Once people lived thirty or forty years, today eighty or even ninety. They had less time to argue… Also, the living conditions were different. People were farmers, carpenters, and blacksmiths, i.e., professions we received via a generational line from parents to children, family businesses. If someone fell ill, the family members took care of them. Cooking, laundry, and cleaning all took place at home. Survival was tough without family and children. Today everything is airy. Parents do not pass on their professions to their children, the younger generation finds its own way, and feels no special connection to their family. The family glue is falling apart, and so is the couple’s relationship.
When people lived within the extended family, couples who encountered difficulties received help from relatives who helped establish peace in the home. Generally, they had many children, and raising them took many years. In today’s Western society, people mostly have one or two children and live in apartment buildings, closed between four walls, alone with their troubles. Also, workplace experiences and interactions cause each partner to have their own private world.
We could list several other reasons for divorce and today’s reality is formed by them all: Today, people are increasingly losing the need for a couple’s relationship and divorce very quickly.
Mistrust is a common problem that couples encounter. Here is a case study and some advice.
A woman told her husband that she was going to sit somewhere with some friends from work. In hindsight, he found out from another source that there were also men and dancing at that gathering, but his wife had not mentioned anything about it. Since then, he is anxious, messaging his wife non-stop.. Although he believes her when she says nothing happened, the matter still triggers anxiety in him about what might happen. Apparently, because in his childhood there was a case of infidelity between his parents, which eventually led to divorce.
The woman, on her part, does not know what to do with the fact that he keeps calling her. It also disturbs her. From her point of view, he is making a mountain out of a molehill, because what actually happened was that they really did plan for a girls’ night out, but suddenly two of them brought their partners unexpectedly, and there was a party at that place. She did not know about it in advance, and she sat off to the side to talk with a friend the entire evening. And when she got home she was very tired, so when her husband asked “How was it?” she answered “Nice” and forgot to go into detail.
This is the case study. What can be done to improve the situation?
In general, if one of the partners forgets to update the other with details that are very important to them, then they should show the other that they are sorry about it, and also that they understand their feelings. They should enter into the state the partner is in, connect with them, strengthen the couple’s bond, and together rise up.
In our story, the woman can message her husband before he messages her, and invite him to dinner, to a movie, or another activity they enjoy. It is important to show him that she wants to spend every free moment she has with him, that there is nothing in her life more important, and that all her pleasure and enjoyment comes from him, practically breathing through him.
Additionally, it is advisable to take a walk, to walk hand in hand. It arouses a feeling of friendship and equality. A visit to family members dear to her husband can also strengthen the family bond and add warmth.
Another idea is to try to create for her husband a similar gathering to the one she had with her friends. Maybe in the same place, maybe somewhere else, maybe a casual meeting, maybe a planned event like a birthday. Whatever it might be, the goal is for the husband to meet her friends from work, maybe also their partners, to see the atmosphere of the place, and to imagine fewer scenarios in his mind. This could calm him down.
As for the husband, it is worth giving this whole process a chance, to go along with his wife. Gradually he will calm down, and see that he has a loving, devoted, and faithful wife.
One last word, which is more important than all the rest, is to remember what is written, “Love covers all transgressions” (Proverbs 10:12). Simply put, without waiting for crises, for situations of mistrust or other problems, it is worthwhile to always show love to one’s partner. The more we invest in doing so, and the more our partners feel warmth from us, the more they will want the best for us. Went out with friends from work? Had fun? They will enjoy it no less. Why? It is because when we love someone and feel a deep bond with them, it creates a special flow between the hearts.
Based on episode 22 of “New Life” with Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman. Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.
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