Adolescence. If we deeply understand what children go through from their earliest years, we can help them form their identity.
During childhood, a child absorbs impressions. By nature, they have a desire to take the world into themselves, to fill their intellectual and emotional memory with all kinds of discernments. They observe different phenomena and forms of behavior around them and absorb them.
At this stage, our role as parents is primarily to provide good examples. It is very worthwhile to continually explain out loud what we are doing and why, what thoughts and considerations are going through our minds, what we are feeling, what makes us happy and what does not, and so on. In this way, a kind of program for discerning good from bad will be built within the child, helping them develop a proper attitude toward the impressions they absorb from their environment.
As the child enters adolescence, they begin to present themselves as someone who understands, feels, and acts independently, as though they are responsible for what they decide, do, and determine. Their identity begins to speak from within. They look less at how others behave and become more focused on expressing themselves.
If during their early years they were like someone collecting different cards, accumulating various impressions and figures within themselves, now they begin to construct their identity from them. Their enjoyment now comes from emphasizing their independence and uniqueness: “This is me. Look at me. I’m here!”
Adolescence is a period of active communication. At this stage too, it is worthwhile to show teenagers examples so they can see how we express ourselves in different ways: with responsibility, consideration, love, submission, control, doubt, and more.
It is important to demonstrate a balanced attitude toward every phenomenon, one that includes two opposite perspectives: strength and weakness, certainty and doubt, feeling and lack of feeling, attraction and rejection, and so on. Conversations and discussions, special games, outings, theater performances, museum visits, books, and similar activities can help with this.
The goal is to expose adolescents to a variety of opinions and both positive and negative impressions that will build within them a multifaceted and critical perspective on everything they encounter. This is how we help them develop the ability to understand and feel every person, including people who think differently from them. It will also help them understand themselves and the frequent changes taking place within them.
From a broader perspective, building the human spirit is truly an art. The human being within us is formed by rising above narrow egoism.
The process begins by observing yourself from the outside: “In this I am weak; in that I am strong, and I am aware of both my weaknesses and my strengths. When I look at someone or something around me, I see them in a particular way as a result of my personal desires and tastes. The inner qualities within me form a kind of pair of glasses through which I see myself, others, and all of life in a particular way. And perhaps, if I were to make certain changes within myself, I might see those same things somewhat differently.”
Such examinations will gradually bring adolescents to understand that what they think today might change tomorrow. Nothing in life is absolute. Everyone is constantly changing, and accordingly, their perception of the world changes as well. A person who never changes is like a stone; they do not develop at all. It is a very good thing to become a new person every day.
And the truth? No one carries it in their pocket. We can only come closer to it together if we learn how to connect harmoniously, person to person. It is precisely between the open hearts of people that goodness becomes revealed. There, we complement one another and come together as the image of one human being.
It follows that adolescence, in the fullest sense of the word, actually continues throughout our entire lives. It is the transition from perceiving the world through natural, egocentric glasses to perceiving it through the lens of proper connection with others. “Love your neighbor as yourself,” the great sages said, and precisely there lies the solution to all problems and difficulties. The future lies in complementary connections, and this is the key to all the achievements we dream of.
Based on “New Life 218 – Adolescence: The Consolidation of Identity” with Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman. Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.