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Life is a sequence of connections between us and our environment, and all problems begin with poor communication. More and more people increasingly do not understand each other, children do not understand their parents, and parents do not understand each other. The same happens at work, on the roads, in society, within a country, and across all of humanity. When we understand that this is the root of the myriad problems we encounter today, we will be able to advance to a new level of communication.
The issue begins with the fact that at the heart of every connection between people is a calculation: “How will this connection with this other fulfill me?” “What will I gain from it?”
We each view others as a source of benefit for ourselves, and therefore this type of communication can be defined as one-way. It leads to clashes, arguments, struggles, and wars. It is exhausting, disappointing, and suffocating.
From here comes the feeling that we have no energy for anyone, and the ultimate dream becomes a quiet corner, to live on an isolated island with no disturbances.
However, we cannot find true peace, happiness, and fulfillment in that direction. Realizing peace, happiness, and fulfillment requires changing the code of connection between us and the environment. Why? This is because it is impossible to feel true satisfaction and tranquility alone. That only exists as an illusion.
Hints of this can be seen in everything we acquire, whether it is a a new piece of clothing, a new car, home, career, relationship, or anything else, and even a good meal. In a short period of time, the pleasure from whatever we acquire fades as if it never existed, and once again we feel unfulfilled, only now to an even greater degree.
The sages, who studied this phenomenon deeply, wrote about it, “One does not die with half one’s desire in one’s hand,” and “He who has one hundred wants two hundred.” They discovered that by nature we are all connected within a single system, and the only way to receive true fulfillment, satisfaction, and nourishment is through others. This already requires a fundamentally different kind of communication, complementary communication.
If in one-way communication I think about my own existence and the calculation is “what will I get from you,” in complementary communication the intention that drives me is “what will you get from me.” I use everything I have for your benefit. I feel you and what you lack, I include myself in your desire, and I place myself at your service.
What do I gain from this? Ask any mother who cares for her baby. When she has the opportunity to give to her baby, she feels a sense of sheer happiness. Why? It is because she has, as it were, added another vessel of reception to herself, and when she fills it, she herself becomes fulfilled many times over. Of course, with a mother this happens naturally, but it hints at the desired direction of development.
Complementary communication, which involves wisdom and a method that requires learning and practice, is when a person connects to another with love. The more distant and opposite they are from one another, the greater the gap between them, if they develop the ability to connect above it, it multiplies the strength of the connection, the pleasure, and the joy.
In general, the communication we currently maintain is based on the feeling that each person is separate from others, and this perception paints the picture of this world for us. When we begin to develop communication based on connection and complementarity, we will gradually discover that the whole world is actually us, that there are no strangers around us, no boundaries or barriers, no separate domains of “mine” and “yours,” but rather everything is a single domain. There is nothing but one force, the force of nature. It is the most internal, high, and fundamental force that exists, and it is a complete, eternal, and perfect force of love.
Based on “New Life 127 – The Essence of Communication, Part 2” with Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman. Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.