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If we want relationships to last for years and remain full of passion, satisfaction, and meaning, we need to constantly renew them, otherwise if they enter into a routine, they become stale.
The major challenge for couples is to constantly look for how they can charm, appear new, and draw each other into the relationship. Here, there are foundations that stem from nature, which can help.
Let us discuss ego for a moment. We all know that ego games and power struggles can ruin anything positive. We see such phenomena not only in relationships but also in social life. In the era of the overblown ego, and precisely when reality is becoming more and more interconnected and demands mutual consideration, no one can see past themselves.
The ego is a help against our much better, more optimal state of harmonious connection. It is an inclination that can indeed destroy, but it can also build and help us grow. It depends on learning how to work with it in a balanced manner, to turn it into a lever. Couples who know how to do so become partners in a unique developmental process that creates constant renewal.
In the integral approach to education, learning is done in a group framework, and couples support each other. The relationship becomes a kind of home laboratory in which they research human nature, and develop the ability to connect to another on an entirely new level. Such an ability helps them succeed not only in their relationships, but in their every social connection.
In the process of connection, couples are like two circles learning to enter into one another. Each one gives up part of their space to make room for the other. At the same time, the egoistic desire of both constantly grows and changes, and generates new resistances. However, if the couple does not give up, they experience this common effort as a game they play together.
Like any game, here too there are developmental stages and increasing difficulty levels. In each stage, at first the two are drawn to each other, and want to be in a relationship. Then, a new ego awakens, and each one is thrown into their own corner. Now, despite the difficulty, distance, and lack of attraction, they must forcefully build the connection between them. The effort to act above rejection and mutual resistance awakens between them alternating collisions and passions.
Through closeness and distance, and distance and closeness, the couple gives rise to changes of state in their relationship. The new feelings that awaken as a result give them inner renewal on all of the relationship’s levels, including in sexual relations. As a result of their success in drawing emotionally closer, they create a new attraction to realize physical closeness. This will be a natural result of their newly-achieved connection.
One of the exercises that helps in building the couple’s connection is to awaken the positive image. What does that mean? We can decide together that from this moment on, we constantly give each other compliments.
“What a wonderful woman I have, truly a gift that life has brought me. Wise, sensitive, loving. Simply perfect.” It is worthwhile to say words in this spirit, even if it feels incomplete in its sincerity.
“You are so special. You have unique qualities, a deep and wise personality, I really appreciate you!” From the feeling of satisfaction he receives from this description, the man will get a push to prove that he really is like that.
Why is this exercise important? It is because no one can say with certainty what is imagination and what is reality. Everyone has their own ego that paints them a picture of reality. It is completely subjective, each their own. If we are both aware of this, and decide together to design for ourselves a more beautiful picture than the one we currently have, then today’s game will become tomorrow’s reality.
The difficulties will surely come, and we will need to help each other rise. The most helpful are positive examples, and the leading principle is “Love will cover all crimes.” Every separation, distance, and quarrel that appears is actually an invitation to increase love.
The game of life, then, is a game of connection above rejection, contrast and completion. Couples who enter it together constantly renew themselves. In such a state, no one else will attract them because they will feel that specifically with these partners they receive supreme fulfillment and excitement, connection to the source of life.
Based on episode 45 of “New Life” with Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman. Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.
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