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The problems that exist today in the family and in society at large all point to the same issue. We need to learn how to positively connect to each other, otherwise we will have to bear increasingly negative phenomena in our lives. One way or another, we will reach a better world than the current one, but along the way we will need to develop a new perception. The practical training for doing so can begin within the family space, as a kind of laboratory.
From a broad perspective, the human being, society, and nature are one whole. In this integral system, there is a universal law that creates balance among all the parts contained within. In nature’s still, vegetative, and animate levels, this law brings about the development of the wonderful fabric of life. However, in human society, we are unaware of it. We set our sights on whatever pleases us. Be that as it may, today the world becomes increasingly interconnected and interdependent. This more connected reality demands that we adapt ourselves to nature’s integral code.
This is what the integral approach to education teaches, and it also offers a method for building harmonious, integral human connection. The more we develop the ability to relate to one another with consideration, mutuality, and complementarity, the more our problems will vanish from our lives. This is true on every level: from marriage and family through to relations in society and the state, to the global economy, health, and ecology.
Our lack of connection is the source of our problems. Building connection is thus the only root cure. In the family, it is easier to build connection because we are naturally tied to one another, emotionally dependent, and bound by various commitments. We already have a base of connection, and our work is to improve it more and more.
One of the main tools of the integral approach to education is the connection workshop. It is a conversation format with special rules, which enable the creation of deep connection among its participants. One of the connection workshop’s rules is that all participants are equally important. We listen to and respect each other, and do not negate or criticize those sitting with us. We each add our part to the common stew that we cook. We need to learn how to do this, and it is possible to achieve very good results with such a communication format.
In a family connection workshop, we can discuss questions like: How do we depend on one another? What are our obligations to each other? Do we feel close? How would we like to see the family bond? Do we share equally in what needs to be done at home? How do we optimally divide the family budget?
Such clarifications will make us more mature, understanding our form of existence today and the deeper connection to which it is worthwhile to advance.
A well-connected family relates to everything as an invitation for growth. If a certain problem arises among the whole family, or to one of the family members, it points to a place, a need, and an opportunity to strengthen the family’s connection.
As for other activities that families can do to strengthen their bond, a key one is to prepare food together. Everyone comes to the kitchen, and together they prepare the meal. The parents can say something like, “Yes, we bought the groceries and brought them home, but we cannot cook alone. We need everyone’s help.” Another possibility is that the parents leave the house for a short walk and ask the children to prepare the meal together. Similarly, this activity can also apply to cleaning and organizing the house.
The goal of such activities is to develop in every family member a feeling that they are inseparable parts of the family, that their heart is among everyone, and that they act according to the common family will and thought. Such activities need to be conducted out of a good-hearted spirit. Even humor can contribute to a positive atmosphere. Family, in the essence of its definition, is what we have in common. The power that is created among all, equally, at the center of the bond, is called “family.”
Role-playing games can also generate closeness. For instance, each family member tries to enter the character of another, as if dressing up in them, and from within them describing in first person what they feel, think, and experience. Such exercises help to build common ground, to understand each other better, and to feel how others see us. Once again, ill will needs to be left out of such activities, where the focus should be on how to increase a positive connection, closeness, and warmth among the family.
Usually, there is competition among children, so we can also laugh a little about it. That is, each child naturally wants to harm their sibling a bit, so that they themselves will gain more. For example, a round can be made where each one must say to the others with a smile, “What would you do to your brother or sister right now, if only it were possible?” The children should be encouraged to open up more and more here. The goal is that they will gain more awareness about the egoistic impulses that awaken in them, i.e., in the impulses that make them each want to feel superior at the others’ expense, and that they will succeed in dividing themselves into two parts: “This is me, and this is some kind of snake sitting inside me, constantly inciting me against everyone.” Such observation builds a human being from a child.
Afterward, we can have a round where we all describe the positives that we see in each family member. Here, it is possible to gently exaggerate a little: to describe how smart they are, special, with a heart of gold, generous, always ready to help everyone. Even if in our eyes they are far from perfect, by lifting them up even artificially, we would serve to awaken those positive qualities in them. Moreover, there are two advantages in doing so: First, the one who speaks about the other in a positive light begins to actually think well of them, and second, the one spoken of, whether they want it or not, absorbs those compliments and it improves them.
Jealousy is also common among siblings. “Why did you buy that for them and not for me?” This too can be made into a connection workshop. We can sit together, and each family member can tell everyone in the circle how much they envy another who received something they did not. “I am very jealous of my brother who got a shirt as a gift from Mom.” In the next stage, a role-playing game can be done, where the one who is jealous enters into the role of the giver of the gift, and gives it themselves to their brother. Saying something like: “My dear brother, look what I bought you. I thought of you, searched for what would suit you, and here it is, take it. I hope you like it. With love.” Another idea for dealing with jealousy: when buying a gift for one child, ask another to give it to them on behalf of the family.
There are many more ideas, exercises, and activities that could be done to strengthen the family bond as a means for the family to positively influence society with what people need the most today: happiness that comes from a good connection to one another and with the positive force of connection dwelling in nature. Most importantly, we should remember and emphasize that we are doing such activities in order to deepen the connection among us, and it is also important to check if a certain action we chose to do indeed connects us, or not, and refine ourselves time and again.
One last activity I would recommend for a family to increase their connection: At night, before bed, sing a certain song together that everyone in the family likes. The feeling should be warm, embracing, and joyful. That we are going to sleep together, connected in heart, bound in soul, and that we are a warmly bonded family.
Children who grow up in such an atmosphere will be ready for the integral world that is revealing itself to us more and more from one day to the next. They will know how to build harmonious connections wherever they are, and life will smile upon them. I wish everyone good luck, success, happiness, love, and much strength to try out these activities and also come up with many more your own.
Based on “New Life 76 – Connection in the Family” with Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman. Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.
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