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I had once received a letter from a lady who wrote that she realized with horror that she had lost her ability to listen to other people, and she asked whether it were possible to regain that ability. My advice to her was that there is no need to rush in order to do so. In other words, there is no need to hear and absorb everyone indiscriminately. Before we begin to deeply listen to others, we need to learn how to work correctly within ourselves, with the quality of bestowal.
If you simply open yourself and start listening to everyone, you will become filled with their problems, pains, and confusions. You will begin to suffer from their illnesses, their sores, and nothing good will come of it. Therefore, you need to prepare yourself first.
How do we prepare ourselves to listen in a way where we do not let others’ problems, pains, and confusions throw us off course? It is by constructing within ourselves a proper system of perception, a correct processing of information and feedback from what we process. Then, we will be able to relate properly to others, to positively connect with them, and also to help and support them. Otherwise, what will we do, sit and cry with them? Empathy without correction is useless.
To truly listen is possible when we have a clear goal: to help, to build something common, and to rise above egoism together. Our connection with others should be built through a specific kind of inner protection, which Kabbalah calls a “screen.” It is like a shield. With this tool, we gain the ability to become strict with ourselves and also in our relations with others, not out of coldness, but out of responsibility.
Then, we carefully assort what we receive from others, what we give to them, and how we direct everything at a common goal. Doing so involves seriously measuring our inputs in relation to such a goal, and aiming ourselves at developing a new, higher quality of connection.
By developing a system of relationships where we mutually aspire to rise above our egoism, i.e., above our inborn desires to enjoy at each other’s expense, with everyone working for everyone’s mutual benefit, then all of our problems will gradually disappear because they will become included in a new integral society.
When everyone relates to others not out of personal gain but for the sake of the common whole, then real listening becomes possible.
Based on KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” with Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman on October 18, 2021. Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.