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One of my students asked me about a parable about a nightingale that sang to a rose, not because she is harmless but out of love for her, thorns and all. Her thorns do not diminish her beauty, but complete it. They show that true love does not erase flaws, nor does it pretend flaws do not exist. Love balances everything, and accordingly it includes the thorns.
Can there be a marriage without thorns? That is only possible if two naïve people create an imaginary world together. True love always includes thorns. Why? It is because we live among egoists, and we each possess a bundle of childhood wounds, habits, instincts, insecurities, and reactions that we do not control. The wisdom of life is not in eliminating the thorns but in rising above them.
My student continued to ask me how is it possible to love his spouse if she pricks, mocks, and humiliates him? It is by understanding her nature, her upbringing, and her inner pain. By seeing her reactions as automatic and instinctive, not intentional, then you do not take them personally. When you stop receiving the sting as a direct attack, you suddenly have space to cover it with love. That is what “love covers all transgressions” means. The thorns remain, but you wrap them in warmth, understanding, and compassion until they lose their sharpness.
Can you artificially introduce thorns to deepen love? Yes you can, but it needs to be done wisely. Sometimes, by exposing a vulnerability or provoking a situation that requires mutual effort and emotional investment, the bond deepens. When thorns are used deliberately to draw someone closer, to intensify the relationship, that is wisdom. But it requires precision, humility, and caution.
This principle stretches far beyond couples. We can live in a country that pricks us constantly with taxes, humiliation, war, and injustice, yet we can still love the country. Why? It is because love is not about comfort. Love is a deep, inner attachment to the essence of something, regardless of its flaws. We might criticize a country fiercely, yet feel bound to it with our whole heart. That is also love.
So what is love?
Love is when, despite everything, positive or negative, we value the other by their inner essence. We do not calculate or weigh the pluses and minuses. We relate to the other from a place beyond the immediate pain or pleasure they bring us. This is why love can endure thorns, insults, hardship, and disappointment.
True love is not blind. It sees the flaws clearly. True love is above the flaws.
It is the only force that can cover all the thorns in the world, and transform them into beauty.
Based on the video “How Thorns Strengthen Relationships” with Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman. Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.